What I Offer

Interpersonal Communication (IPC)

'The reality of the other person is not what he reveals to you, but in what he cannot reveal to you. Therefore, if you would understand him, listen to not what he says but rather what he does not say'. (Kahill Gibran).

Words cannot be considered in isolation from their historical significance.

IPC-to:

* Obtain things and services.
* Bring about change.
* Re-evaluate the part.
* Learn: coping skills, ways of behaving.
* Form / keep develop relationships.

How safe am I to talk to? The following hindrances tend to be over used or lead to poor communication. Try to be conscious in order to substitute them for more helpful techniques:

* Judging and Evaluating
* Blaming
* Moralizing Preaching
* Not Accepting, others' Feelings
* Inappropriate Talking, about my self.
* Over-Interpreting
* Distracting and Being Irrelevant
* Placing Time Pressures.

Attending

* Indicates, that you value the person
* Tune in make sure the person can see that you are attending
* Face at an angled position
* Open posture
* Lean forward to show interest
* Eye contact
* Appear relaxed

Listening

Use all senses to pick up the messages behind the words ie. body language / tone of voice.

Barriers to effective listening include:

1. Physical - Noise / distractions / light.
2. Psychological - The listener may just hear what they want or expect to hear and filter out things, which are unacceptable.
3. Semantic - Jargon too complex or too limited vocabulary. 'Simple is best'.

Active listening requires:

* Attending
* Awareness of barriers
* Acceptance
* Being aware of your own and your clients values.
* Communicating empathic understanding on thoughts and feelings.
* Being able to suspend judgment, thus helping the client feel valued for who they are.

Paraphrase
Reflect Feelings
Summarize
Focus
Endings

Concreteness Can be directed to behaviour, Thought and Feelings:
The unique client's 'word experiences'.

'What happened EXACTLY / What did he say / How did you react / Can you give an example?' Split up the problems:

The client may try to evade the really painful problems by talking in generalities.

Note Inconstancies / Main Issues.
Always - Everything - Everybody - all the time.
Help get the client to Elaborate on a point.
Elicit Specific Behaviours.

Immediacy :

Split up the problems. 'Shall we talk about these one by one?'

Minimal Encourages : Brief utterances 'so' 'then' 'hummmmm'.. / Value silence (in freeing the client to think feel and express)

Question Types:

Closed / Direct : Often emphasises factual content - to - clarify - to stop a flow - to know a fact - specific answers.Yes/No. Tea/coffee.
'When did you start? How long were you there? So you choose to do ABC?'

WHY ? Questions often lead to RATIONALISATION's and fail to give room for further exploration of the feeling of the client.

Open questions help to establish rapport and get the person talking. It helps gain clarity for the client and to provide information to the counsellor.
'Tell me how the last... weeks have been'.
'How do you feel about xxx?'
'What do you consider a good balance between A+B?'
'Why do you think C would help'
'What was your involvement in ABCD?'
'What happened next?... How did you feel about that?'

Follow up / Probing To build on what you have already been told

Questions to be avoided:

Multiple , Leading / Loaded (in order to anticipate a correct response as in a court arena)

First Contact:

Clarity of the role is an important concept in the relationship.

*By means of both the counsellor and the client's behaviour. In the initial contact, their role is expressed:
*'You want to talk with me. Perhaps you can tell me what you have been thinking about?'
*'You made an appointment to come and talk. (We now have 50 min/1 hour) would you like to tell me why you came to me?'
*A client may expect a ready-made solution to their problem.
*Discuss the ongoing conversation itself with the client, to ensure that you clearly understand.
*Each interview has a focus/ a structure that needs to be reflected on.

Attending Responses ' You feel tense just now' ' You're worried about failing?'

Note your patterns of selective attention, verbally and none verbally to give you some idea about natural lifestyle.

Reflect Feelings Emphasise affective aspects. Put the feeling into your own words to ensure you have the same understanding. Do this in a tentative way, with the right intensity of feeling to that of the client. It shows that you are listening and trying to understand what the client experiences emotionally.

Reflecting of feelings is most often useful if they are 'labelled' and worked and worked through as they appear in the interview.

Paraphrase : Emphasize the content - Rephrase the client's words / a translation of the essence of what is said, to ensure that you both understand that, which has been said / what the clients situation looks like.

Selectivity

Open to give client space
Closed for Specificity

Summarize

Check that you understand. Help clarify issues. Pick out the main points. Use contrasts or choices. Concentrate on the apparent uppermost theme:

* To Recapitulate, Condense, Crystallize
* Select statements or behaviour... Restate Accurately and Tentatively.

'You mentioned ABC, have I got that right?'
'So as a result of doing... xxx .... you became involved?'
'Am I right in thinking that... ?'

It helps more from exploration to action and problem solving.
Cover a longer broader time range.
'Time' your comments.

Focus It helps to be specific so as to find something concrete to work on.

Linking Once section with another

Endings
Start the termination stage on time.
User clear closing sentences.
Do not introduce new subjects.
Have the client confirm the end.

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